I'm waiting for the DEA to declare me a Schedule I controlled substance... or at least some of what I'm making all the time:

The finding that women who do not use condoms during sex are less depressed and less likely to attempt suicide than are women who have sex with condoms and women who are not sexually active, leads one researcher to conclude that semen contains powerful - and potentially addictive - mood-altering chemicals.
...
Gallup's survey of 293 college women also found that those who did not use condoms were most likely to initiate sex and to seek out new partners as soon as a relationship ended. "These women are more vulnerable to the rebound effect, which suggests that there is a chemical dependency," says Gallup.

Via The Bitch Girls.  Is this idea of regulatory control really so far fetched?  Junk food is apparently addictive, and people want to control advertising on certain types of foods, and others are already banned.  Caffeine could soon be verboten.  Perhaps this explains the powerful draw to marriage... marrying a man is more like growing your own pot so you can get your fix whenever you need it, instead of having to call a dealer.  Gimme a break.

Maybe what we need is to pass a medical semen law that would allow women to have sex with a doctors prescription.  As if I don't already have enough problems staying in a relationship... just one more barrier to entry... so to speak.  For those women who can't get that prescription, there are always other options, especially for those who are musically inclined (potentially NSFW), unless you live in South Carolina or Alabama.  I'd just remind you to remove the batteries before shipping:

A VILLAGE was sealed off yesterday and the bomb squad called in to explode a buzzing parcel - which turned out to be a sex toy.

Post Office staff dialled 999 when the package started making a noise.

Cops shut the main road in Hasland, Derbyshire, and told residents to stay indoors. Pub boss Steve Chapman said: "We thought terrorists had infiltrated the village."

Via Nobody's Business.