I started thinking about this yesterday when I was running along Menomonee River Parkway yesterday.  I happened to pass First Congregational Church (where I was confirmed) just as the 11:00 service was starting and their beautiful church bells rang out.  I love the sound of church bells in the morning, so it really added a spring to my step.  But then I realized... I'm outside running as others are sitting in church on Palm Sunday.  Granted I haven't been to church in probably two years now, and yet I felt kind of strange about the whole thing.

I really can't say that I'm much of a Christian any more.  But then, I'm can honestly say that I'm not an atheist.  To say I'm either one requires a faith in an explanation that I don't have.  To say I'm a Christian would require having belief that the Bible is correct... not just having faith that it is... but knowing it in my heart.  To be an atheist would require me to have that same belief and faith in science as the full explanation for the universe.  Amazingly, I just can't do that.  For as much as I study different schools of scientific thought... there are aspects of it which I find completely unfulfilling.

I see too much mystery and beauty in life to believe that cold scientific explanation is the answer.  Whether its the gorgeous palette of colors I see in a sunrise (now that I'm up that early to commute to Sheboygan), or the joys of love, or the serenity in music... I find science to be lacking.  I still see mystery in life, and the universe.  Could science explain it all one day?  That's possible.  Could religion?  I think that's possible too.  I might not be a good Christian, and I know I'm not an atheist... maybe I'm just spiritual.  I know that being "spiritual" sounds awfully Hollywood... but I don't know another word to use.

I do know that there are really only two musical experiences that are guaranteed to bring goose bumps to my skin.  The first is a well sung rendition of the Star Spangled Banner.  The second is a church choir singing Handel's "Hallelujah" chorus.  It's an Easter standard... and might just bring me to church this Sunday.

I may not be a good Christian... but I love to be moved.