For some reason the last few days, people at work have been extra loud... so I'm hearing everything.  Here are some of the funnier out of context tidbits.

"When they asked me who the President of the United States was, I said 'the asshole', and they said, 'she sounds  fine.'"
- Said by a coworker who was in an accident on a moped while not wearing a helmet.

"Put it on vibrate and stuff it in your pocket.  It'll give you a nice wake up too."
- Said by a male coworker to a female coworker who just got a new company cell phone and couldn't choose a new ring tone.